2015

Hey sweeties, 

Throughout my life, I've been very fortunate to have a large group of friends and a few best friends. My two closet ones I've known for over 12 years, they didn't know each other until brought them together on nights out. Last year was the first time we've been on holiday together with another friend, I thought it'd be great and it was, it was just the after math I didn't like.

With them two it's as if I've been left in 2014.

Granted I don't see them all the time, we have our own lives but we always text or ring each other, since our holiday they've went out without me to town shopping or just chilling. I suppose you could say I'm a little jealous and I don't know why. 

The other night, they posted images on social media with captions such as 'hanging with my homie' and 'with the fav', I felt a huge smack in the face I'm not bothered that they go out without me, its the fact that they don't even ask me.

We meet up for a meal the other week I just sat listening as they talk about major things in their life and I'm like when did this happen? Completely clueless I was, then they ask why do I seem distant!

This summed up how I felt, they wouldn't like to not be invited out and I never do not ask them.  

Maybe I'm loyal to fault.

Thankfully, I have a few other close friends to confide in and they say I'm not being stupid.

Sometimes I think I am stupid for the way I feel. 

Anyways:

I decided that Boxing day was the last day of eating a load of rubbish and cut out all the fizzy pops, switching to water.

So far I've lost a stone!

 It's amazing how much you can loose if you stick to it.

Hope you're all well. 

Much love, 

M! xo 

The feels...

Hey Sweeties,

Well, what's the main thing that has happened since April?

Me and the boy are no more, which still hurts a bit, considering he was the first. I waited 21 years to find the right guy and I'm glad it was him. 

We were together for 10 months, but had known each other longer as we worked together, those first few months were amazing, I felt invincible (stupid word I know, but I did). 

I was so happy, I had found someone who liked me for me and someone who I loved and still do, don't think I'll ever not.

As daddy says "you'll never forget your first." 

Within those 10 months, we had an amazing time, which I'll never forget.

And to be honest I knew the end was coming, I just felt it. Like, you know it's not the same as before, you put the effort in and he doesn't, you spend most of your time thinking that you've done something wrong even though you haven't. Then the paranoia sets in am I not good enough for him? What is wrong with me? 

Looking back I can clearly see and say that I had done nothing wrong, I was more than good enough for him, I treated him like a king and I was a bloody good girlfriend.

The day he ended it was the day I found out I received a 2:1 in my second year (happiness didn't last long) and the week of my Uncle's wedding so August was a pretty shit month for.

And to top it all off I still had to work with him which was the hardest part!

Our next shift together, I sat for an hour beforehand in the car with my dad crying my eyes out, all our friends knowing that we weren't together, I felt as though everyone pitied me, I couldn't stand it and came so close to walking out.

Recently, he moved to London to start a new job, I wish him so much luck but I'm also, so thankful that he moved as I don't think I'd would've ever gotten over him. In the end, I had to delete him off all social media as everything he posted I was reading too much into, I constantly felt sick and it really was a such a low point in my life.

But you know what?

Two weeks later I went to Turkey with my girlies! Which made me realise all you need in life is your friends and family, you don't need a boyfriend to make you who you are, that comes from yourself and the loving people around you. 

If you happen to have an amazing boyfriend then I am truly happy for you and hope it lasts, because you more than deserve happiness and someone who loves you back. 

But now, 

 I'm stronger and happier because of it all. 

Much Love, 

M! xo