Friday, 10 October 2014

The feels...

Hey Sweeties,
Well, what's the main thing that has happened since April?

Me and the boy are no more, which still hurts a bit, considering he was the first. I waited 21 years to find the right guy and I'm glad it was him. 
We were together for 10 months, but had known each other longer as we worked together, those first few months were amazing, I felt invincible (stupid word I know, but I did). 
I was so happy, I had found someone who liked me for me and someone who I loved and still do, don't think I'll ever not.
As daddy says "you'll never forget your first." 
Within those 10 months, we had an amazing time, which I'll never forget.

And to be honest I knew the end was coming, I just felt it. Like, you know it's not the same as before, you put the effort in and he doesn't, you spend most of your time thinking that you've done something wrong even though you haven't. Then the paranoia sets in am I not good enough for him? What is wrong with me? 

Looking back I can clearly see and say that I had done nothing wrong, I was more than good enough for him, I treated him like a king and I was a bloody good girlfriend.

The day he ended it was the day I found out I received a 2:1 in my second year (happiness didn't last long) and the week of my Uncle's wedding so August was a pretty shit month for.

And to top it all off I still had to work with him which was the hardest part!
Our next shift together, I sat for an hour beforehand in the car with my dad crying my eyes out, all our friends knowing that we weren't together, I felt as though everyone pitied me, I couldn't stand it and came so close to walking out.
Recently, he moved to London to start a new job, I wish him so much luck but I'm also, so thankful that he moved as I don't think I'd would've ever gotten over him. In the end, I had to delete him off all social media as everything he posted I was reading too much into, I constantly felt sick and it really was a such a low point in my life.

But you know what?
Two weeks later I went to Turkey with my girlies! Which made me realise all you need in life is your friends and family, you don't need a boyfriend to make you who you are, that comes from yourself and the loving people around you. 
If you happen to have an amazing boyfriend then I am truly happy for you and hope it lasts, because you more than deserve happiness and someone who loves you back. 

But now, 
 I'm stronger and happier because of it all. 

Much Love, 
M! xo

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